Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
