A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
