you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
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Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
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He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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