I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
