i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
MIDGETS
????
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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