You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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