You really coming over, don't trick.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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