I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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