He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
false alarm, still single
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
