So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
