a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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