Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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