i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
