you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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