i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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