just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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