THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
