woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize