Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
