Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
