worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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