hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
