he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
People in love make me want to vomit
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
