I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
