I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
