So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
