I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
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I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
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I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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