Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
