is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just forgot I was standing up.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
