Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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