We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
