I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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