I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
