all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
