cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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