btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
