I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I wannas sexs uuuuu
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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