I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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