so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
