Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
