hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
