I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
