oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
