How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
