I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
