i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
