Ambien. No doubt about it.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
