so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
