Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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