my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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