what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
