Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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