oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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