Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
