did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
