At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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