thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
