He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
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Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
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So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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