My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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