I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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