dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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