Dual....:-)
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
