Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
