He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
