dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
