In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I touched a dick in church today
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
