i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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