my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
