That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
