She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize