I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
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