Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
