dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
