its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
